Meh

So, sadly, since my last post, things have not gone as great.

One thing I know about myself is that I'm an emotional eater. If I am upset, I crave those comforting foods, and preferably stuff I don't have to prep. Yes, I am the girl who cries over a pint of ice cream.

Granted, I didn't eat a pint of ice cream, but I didn't eat healthy either.

Saturday started off really well. I made a very tasty frittata for Mark and I. I sauteed some red peppers, red onions, zucchini, turkey sausage, and red chard leaves. When they were fairly cooked down, I added a mixture of 5 eggs and 3 egg whites that I had whipped up so that it would have lots of bubbles in it, making it nice and airy. I put it all together and put it in the oven at 400 degrees for about 10 minutes. (I left it in my frying pan, because it was one less dish, and it is 100% metal, so nothing would melt) He and I each had 1/4 of it, and I threw some salsa over mine. Quite tasty! I also learned yesterday and this morning that it does re-heat well for a nice quick breakfast. I also learned this morning that my microwave is now broken :( Maybe now I'll get the Hello Kitty one at Target XD I'm sure Mark will love that...lol.

Saturday evening, I had to work, and there were a lot of horrible people. I don't know who you-know-what'ed in their wheaties, but it seemed like every third or fourth customer was a jerk. Normally, I can deal with it just fine, but I hadn't had anything but a Larabar (cashew cookie...yummm) since the breakfast frittata, so grouchy me came out, and I just festered more about it after work. I ended up dumping paleo for the night and getting myself a personal sized pizza from the freezer section and some chocolate for dessert. I suppose it could have been worse-- it could have been a full pizza and I could've eaten the whole thing.

Sunday, again, started out great. Had left over frittata for breakfast before work, had some almonds while at work, and left hungry, but still on track. I got home, had some shrimp cooked in a little honey and raw coconut (so tasty!), and some stir fry veggies. However, not long after that, some issues started to arise that got me completely out of whack.

I'm supposed to be going on a trip for a seminar this week. I was informed on Sunday that because the girl who made the reservations for the room has some kind of personal issues with me (which I'm still completely in the dark about O_o), that I have to find alternate rooming arrangements. So, needless to say, I start freaking out. I leave on Wednesday, and I go from having my room paid for by a student organization to having to shell out probably $300 for a room. It would freak anyone out, especially a poor grad school student! So, after crying hysterically for an hour-- mostly for me not knowing what I did to make someone who was supposed to be a good friend of mine hate me enough to put me out on the street in Vegas, but also for the whole me not knowing what I was going to do-- it was time for Mark to pick me up so we could go do a karaoke competition at this little Mexican restaurant down the street. So, red-eyed and puffy faced, I go out to the car, and proceed to cry for another 1/2 hour before making Mark go buy me eye drops at Walgreens (he's so good to me :) ). Annnnd of course, when we get to the restaurant, diet goes out the window again. I have chips, I have my shrimp fajitas (complete with flour tortillas), and on top of that, Mark and I split a piece of chocolate cake *facepalm*

Again, it could have been much worse, but I have to find a way to channel my emotions better, and not let things go out the window. I think it boils down to the instant gratification. The stuff tastes and feels good for a while, but to be honest, my stomach feels like crap today :/

Paleo Chicken Nuggets and Sauce

Yes, yes, I know I posted this morning. But, as promised, I have a pic from my culinary adventure tonight!

Paleo chicken nuggets! :)


I got the idea from this website, by means of pinterest. I know mine don't look quite as amazing as those, but I also did mine a bit different. First of all, I used coconut flour, rather than the almond flour. No biggie-- just slightly more coconut flavor. Also, rather than using ground chicken, I cubed 3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts. Now the total poundage was more than the recipe called for, so I had to make a little extra breading. Also, after the first few nugget/chunk/things, I noticed the breading wasn't sticking great, so no biggie-- I took the egg it called for (though, I added the white), and did an egg wash before dipping it in the coconut mixture. I baked them (another difference from the recipe-- I didn't want them fried!) at around 375 for 20 minutes or so. If you're unsure of the cook time, just pop one out and cut it. DON'T WAIT FOR THEM TO GET SUPER BROWN! As you can see from my pic, they won't get golden brown like on Health-Bent. I'll admit, they are a little crumbly because I don't have that nice crust on the outside, so if you want to pan fry, fry away. I just wanted to cut out some of the extra oils.


Now, we all know we have to have SOMETHING to dip the chicken in, right? On the right hand side of the pic, I've got tasty honey mustard sauce.


Oh no! Not paleo?! I beg to differ! I spent the afternoon concocting this paleo masterpiece. Yes...that's right...the girl that, while making hard boiled eggs this morning, forgot to turn on the water (O_o *sigh* sad, but true), managed to make her own mayonaise! (Granted, this was after one horribly messed up try, but you won't tell anyone, right?) Once again, thanks to Health Bent, I was able to make the base of my honey mustard sauce. (I subbed 1/2 grapeseed oil and 1/2 olive oil rather than use bacon grease). Once my wonderful mayo chilled out in the fridge, I scooped some out and mixed it with some honey and mustard (whod've thunk, right?) and made my sauce. You just do this to your taste, because everyone likes theirs differently. Simple.


Next up, I believe I'm going to try to do a cheese-less frittata, and see if it is something that will work as a quick reheat and eat breakfast. We shall see!

So far so good

So just a quick update...

Things have been going fairly steady. I haven't been keeping up with my workouts as well as I wanted to, however, I did work out for an hour yesterday. My thing is, I hate the gym. I hate treadmills. I hate feeling like I am being judged-- getting the "what is she doing here/wow, she really needs to be here" looks. I am not a huge fan of weight machines, though I'll use them more willingly than treadmills.

So, yesterday, I went to a local park with Mark (my boyfriend, who I'm sure I'll mention again), and we did a mile walk, and on the way back, there are these obstacles that you can stop at and do. They include things like pull up bars (can't do [YET!]), monkey bars (can't do [YET!]), sit ups, windmills, push ups, ladder climbs, etc. Getting outside and just moving felt nice, and even though I was working up a sweat, I like feeling like I am having fun and not "working out." And what is more, is I know I always feel great after a good workout, so I don't know why in the world I get into my own head and make excuses.

For that reason, I posted signs around my apartment saying "NO Excuses!" today. I don't want to give myself any reason why I can't work out- why I can't eat right. There is absolutely no reason for me to not move for 20-30 minutes a day, aside from pure laziness.

On a happy note, I did have a very tasty paleo dinner last night. Fresh green beans cooked in a little olive oil, baked sweet potato with cinnamon, nutmeg and a touch of honey, and baked chicken with salsa :) Also, a friend recommended putting a little salsa on the sweet potato, and surprisingly, it was good!

Tonight, I'm venturing into the land of paleo chicken nuggets. I found the recipe through pinterest (I am SO addicted to that site!), and I'm going to make a few modifications (e.g. baking them rather than pan frying, and chicken chunks rather than using ground chicken and egg yolks + extra coconut flour as a binder). I will try to take pictures and post them if they turn out well! Here's hoping :D

Until next time....

~L~

The Beginning

Ready for change...

This is something a lot of people don't understand.

I go to a school that teaches health and wellness. We are all going to be doctors. However, when people see me, there is the tendency to see only what is on the outside, which (and I'll be the first to admit) is not exactly the picture of health. I can't tell you how many times I've felt the judgement or heard of the snide text messages regarding my weight. What those people, and sadly-- future doctors-- fail to realize is that there is a lifetime of struggle associated with the weight they see. Don't get me wrong. I know a lot of people have had it a lot worse than me. But the overeating, making jokes at myself before anyone else had the chance to, and giving myself this protective cushion (pun intended) to keep people out is how I dealt with it. Some people run. I ran to the refrigerator.

I am truly blessed and thankful to have friends around me and at other schools who don't see me as just "the fat girl." They are by my side supporting me and not judging me. Standing by someone as they struggle against others as well as themselves is the true mark of friendship, and for that I am grateful.

In my experience, the more negative people in my life have given me the attitude of "oh, well, she just doesn't want to change...she doesn't care what she's doing to herself." To them, I wish you could walk a mile in my shoes. I've learned over these past couple of years that you can want to change with all your heart, but if your mind is not in the right place- if you have not battled those inner demons that cause you to derail yourself- you will still fail.

I've had to face the demons of heartache-- having a fiancee who cheats on you and tells you it is because the other girl was more attractive, seeing them walk hand in hand with your ring on her finger.

I've had to face the demons of loss-- driving 2 1/2 hours to see someone, to tell them that you are ready to try a relationship with them, only to have their ex answer the phone and tell you they passed away that very morning.

I've had to face the demons of self-loathing-- hating yourself after eating something you shouldn't have or gaining a pant size, and then eating a pint of ice cream because you're depressed about it, perpetuating the destructive circle.

Now, why am I pouring out my past (and believe me, that is only a taste of what I have dealt with), you may ask? I feel it is necessary for you to gain an understanding of who I am and why I am doing this blog. And, maybe some of those judgemental people will see this blog and think twice before judging people like me-- because your overweight and obese patients will be dealing with issues like this, too. But most of all, I want to have something for me to look back on and say, "Hey...look at all you've overcome. You used to hang on to these things, and it would bring you down. Now, let it be your rock so you can climb over that wall and become the person you want to be, inside and out."

So, as I said, I have finally allowed myself to deal with a lot of issues in my life. I won't lie-- I still have to deal with more. But now, I know I have a solid support system. I know now that leaning on them is not a weakness. They are there to support me just as I would them. And so, now...I am ready for change.

The next question is...now that I know I am ready for change, where do I go from here? That's a good question.

Well, first of all, I'm changing my lifestyle. This entails first and foremost a change in the way I eat. I won't lie and say that my diet hasn't been that bad. It has. I have been known to eat a whole Little Caesar's pizza, or go to buffets and gorge myself. NO MORE. I am going to start eating healthier-- and not this "low fat" processed garbage. Over the past few weeks, I've been participating in a "paleo challenge" at school-- meaning no grains, no refined sugars, no alcohol, no dairy, no beans, etc. I'll be the first to admit, I have slipped a few times. However, each time I slip, I notice how gross I feel compared to when I eat paleo. The plan is once the challenge is over at school, I will be going to an 85% paleo, 15% freebie food lifestyle. I am emphasizing lifestyle over diet because that is exactly what it is. I have been working hard to change my view on food, and I am determined to not go back.

Second, I have to get moving! Even if I don't have much energy, if I can just get in a short walk, or just a little work with the kettlebell, that's so much better than sitting on my couch and feeling sorry for myself. Nothing is ever going to change that way.

Third, SLEEP! I'm in grad school, and have unfortunately trained myself to function on as little sleep as possible. However, if I don't get enough rest, my body will stay at a constant stressed level, thereby making it harder to lose weight-- or worse, causing me to gain weight.

Fourth, I have to make sure I hydrate. The new rule is to drink 1/2 your body weight in ounces per day...well, that is a LOT of ounces, but I am going to push myself towards that. I feel if I can at least hit the 100 oz. mark each day, I am doing pretty well.

So, where does the blog come in? Well, this is going to be my way of making myself accountable. I want to make sure I'm posting something every few days. Now, while I won't be posting my weight here, I will post my progress-- both the positives and the negatives. I want this to be helpful for anyone who is going through the same struggles I am-- and hopefully if I am successful in my journey, it will help others to become so as well.

For now, thank you for reading this lengthy insight to this blog. I hope it is helpful to you, and I hope it is something that helps push me along as well. Thanks for your support!

~L~